Running Safe!

I Clocked 5.5 miles on Sunday @ 80%, actually did not engage in a second run. Sometime this week I think I'm going to get a physical exam including the whole HIV/STD test. First of all there is something out there called the National AIDS Marathon Training Program, looks like a great thing, wonder why there is no chapter in NYC? People with HIV & AIDS are running marathons just fine - that's a good thing. Anyway a good starting point of info & services/ resources of all things HIV/AIDS is here. There's also an organization called BlackAids.org. White folks may not know the numbers but it’s down right scary out there in Black America where we make up approximately 13% of the population yet account for 50% of the new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in the US. 1 out of every 4 Black men in Manhattan aged 40 – 49 is HIV Positive and HIV/AIDS is the leading cause of death of Black women between the ages of 25 and 44. That right there sums it up and is why being single in NYC can suck – you can literally get killed out here dating and there is nothing cool or sexy about that reality. But it would be irresponsible to not deal with it in real life - married or not. My first HIV test was just last year and it was like “Welcome to the real world Lance”, I could not believe how before you’re tested you have to provide the name, address & telephone number(s), emergency contact info, etc of parents, siblings, etc - I imagine what happens is people learn they are positive and then the concern is their emotional psychological well being – coping – adjustment period and getting family involved in that process...but it's strange because it's as if the grim reaper is potentially looming - which I imagine can be the case. Then in a room you're counseled & questioned - it's pretty raw too. A lady I just met looked me in the eyes and said, “Have you exchanged saliva with a man in the last 2 years”? “Have you engaged in oral sex with a man in the last 2 years”? “Have you engaged in anal sex with a man in the last 2 years”? “Have you used needles, etc?” There are just some questions you never really have prepared for and it’s a trip when a stranger bluntly asks you the most private of questions. She kept probing in my sexual life, types of sex acts, number of partners, etc. and I frequently tried to expedite the whole process and said, “Can we just take the test?” She explained how she has to go through this list of questions and I patiently endured - to a point - and after some more pretty invasive questions I said, “Yes I'm 43, never married, a little light & curly, green eyes the whole bit - I know - but I’m as square as they come – no tattoos, never pierced an ear, I’ve not been doing the Horizontal Mambo with the guys at the gym, I’ve not been smoking crack, I'm not on the "down low", can we just take the test?” The whole process can be so over the top – you start actually believing you might be positive! I got both the blood and gums test – and it came back negative – but what blows your mind is you find yourself relieved to have favorable results, even though you know damn well you’ve not engaged in any high risk activity. It’s like they do a whole mind trip on you that there is "suspense". But ya know what – I actually understand it all and why? The stats, they are unbelievable! Men lie (yah, no shit right?) and it's these men that are giving HIV to women - and thus I have to wonder about the women I meet in concern that they've been lied to in this context....and ya know what, women lie too....and on reflection, I understand the line of inquiry at my HIV test as I actually did engage in high risk activity – just having heterosexual sex is a high risk activity in 2007 ya’ll. I learned this some years ago. I was getting to know a woman, did all the “take it slow” things, discussed our lives and aspirations and sexual selves. In a City where people are having sex on the 1^st & 2^nd dates, we did not get intimate until date 5 or so – and even then almost did not. Early in the dating she said she wanted to have a child, etc. and then later – just about when things were to become intimate she started crying with me and explained to me that she could not have a child because she had a hysterectomy years prior in her early 30’s. I swallowed this news and told her I was open to adoption, etc. however my preference would be to try and have a child of my own first before exploring that option – and as such, it might not be fair to her for us to become intimate as I’m going to date and look to partner with a woman to have a child with. This woman told me she understood and that was fine with her – yet she still wanted to develop and intimate relationship with me, etc. Long story short I’m at her place – it goes down – a long night of sex – unprotected sex. The next morning the sun is rising – we’re in the glow – all is great in the world right? I say to her – “Wow – this is great – we can be completely honest with each other – enjoy each other – have great sex and be open and honest – no risk of unintended pregnancy, no risk of diseases,”. Suddenly right in the bed she’s next to me and starts crying – she then tells me how she has not been completely honest – says, I should know, and proceeds to tell me she has Herpes. When she said this I just looked up at the ceiling stunned, in disbelief, and silent for about 10 minutes – and then she goes into a whole line of explanation on how it’s manageable, etc. – tells me she’s not in a “break out” and does not think she’s given it to me, etc. I’m stunned ya’ll – still looking at the ceiling – feeling entirely betrayed on so many levels. After not saying a word for 15 minutes and simply in a state of self shock I said, “You directly lied to me”. (She’s crying – apologized profusely) and I said, “You directly lied to me 3 times – you told me in 3 separate conversations over dinner that you did not have any STDs, etc.” More crying – and then she explains how she lied because she feared rejection with disclosure & truth. I was still stunned in looking at this woman - a woman of some fame – at one point she was at the very top of her field & considered one of the most beautiful Black woman by the Black mags like Ebony & Jet, etc. Yet despite being heralded - in her career & a great life - unable to be honest about herself - pathetic, that's all I thought. I then said to her, “you denied me my right to make an informed choice? And you took my health into your hands”? She was just crying. I got up, slowly put my clothes on and left – this woman called me that night to try and make a dinner date with me the next day – she called me the next day to try and make a date for later in the week – I never saw the woman again. What did I learn? No matter how well educated, accomplished and distinguished a person is in their life – they can still be so profoundly wounded, insecure with poor self-esteem - and driven to lie. This woman’s need to feel and be loved outweighed any personal sense of moral conscience and dignity in character. She did not give me an STD - although I am aware living with an STD is quite manageable - not the point in this matter - I saw first hand, up close and personal how and why these Stats are as they are. I don't want to bring anyone down here - just sharing an encounter & being real - have a great day!