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My Sunday late morning & early evening runs of 5 miles each were pretty routine - just contemplated when I will race again - it was my Sunday morning & pursuit of a wife that was note worthy. Often on Sunday before my run I walk to Starbucks @ 125th & Lenox for a Venti & Sunday NY Times. It was about 8:45am, I was in line at the counter and noticed a beautiful woman standing behind me. After a "double take" this woman was a dead ringer for Soledad O'Brien the CNN personality (close up and in real life). Soledad looks slightly different in person - still beautiful but in person she has less color and cute freckles. I first met Soledad in San Francisco long before her New York City media breakthrough - she was reporting on high tech - I was working in the Silicon Valley - met her at an event, charming woman with an infectious persona. We've later bumped heads a couple of times where else?... Central Park....and how? Running of course - Soledad ran for a quick minute
way back in the day - that's Soledad below with her husband on the right (Soledad's left) at a NYRR race. Anyway this Soledad look-alike was very well appointed in attire exuding "grace" with a classic pearl necklace - As it was Sunday morning I knew she was on her way to Church. Lovely, a Church going woman. I ran her through my lens: 1) No wedding ring 2) Size 4 & later 30's, 3) she gave me a welcoming glance = bingo, bullseye, jackpot! "Madeline" (the Starbucks employee behind the counter) brought my Venti and the Soledad look-alike was adjacent to me and about to order when I intervened and said in my best Dirty South accent "Can I buy you a draaaank". She looked at me, laughed, and said "what?", I repeated, "Can I buy you a draaaank" - she's laughing, Madeline's cracking up too - I'm composed and waiting for a response and then said,"a draaaank........you know the song (I start singing)......I'm T-Pain, you know me Convict Music Nappy Boy Ooooo Weeeee". (the lyrics to the 'hood anthem blasting the airwaves on urban radio). Laughingly she said, "that's very nice but I'm fine". So I looked at her, shrugged my shoulders said, "I'm a Flirt" as in R. Kelly - and a jukebox". More laughter, I walk away with my coffee to the area where you hook up your coffee. The Soledad look-alike comes next to me with her coffee and says, "you are funny.....I've seen you running right?" I replied, "that's possible....do you run"? She said "No, but I want to". We proceeded to really actually flirt for the next 5 minutes - exchanged contact info and agree we're going to set up a running date, she then excuses herself - walked out of Starbucks and right onto a bus parked on 125th St. adjacent to Starbucks. Then I noted the bus she boarded was rather dated and slightly shabby appearing - very much like tha
t bus there on the right. First thought, was "she's not going to Church" - I was still in Starbucks and noted several other passengers boarding with bags and packages, women with babies, kids, not the most well groomed crowd in town either (inconsistent with the Soledad look-alike entirely). That bus ain't going to Atlantic City or any place fun to me - then I suspected something - went back to Madeline and said, "is that bus there every week?" - Madeline said, "Yes Lance, that's the bus that goes upstate to the prison". Just what I suspected and read about 80% of prisoners in NY State are from the City and there is a "prison bus system for families, etc." on the weekend so people visit & see their loved ones locked up. In a nano-second I realized I just hit on, 
exchanged contact info, and made a date with Soledad look-alike who's going upstate very likely see her man, Inmate #43271509817532 or whatever his number is, a regular freaking Mrs. Tony Soprano, Sh#% ! This woman was looking way too good to be visiting anyone other than her man, period - and she's got all my identity - ways to reach me, etc, in her cell - Sh#% ! So much for the refined Church going elegant Soledad-look-alike - dayum! No wonder she was vibing on me, she can actually do something with me - and what is Soledad look-alike doing flirting back with me? Does she think I'm a F__ing Fool? I've seen The Wire, Oz, Prison Break, Good Fellas, New Jack City, on and on - I know how this story ends for my character and it ain't good! Sure her man is in prison but His Boys, His Posse, His Crew, His Clique, His Road Dogs are not - and half their job I am sure is looking out for what's his, namely HER! Besides, her Mr. Shawshank Redemption man is getting released sooner or later I imagine. When I meet a woman I had only 2 immediate deal stoppers: 1) If you have a husband, 2) If you're on the unfavorable side of the HIV test. The necessity to have a 3rd entry like this to the immediate dealbreaker list has never even occurred to me. The thought of it has never been conjured or unfolded in my mind, but I'll be damn - I now have a 3rd immediate dealbreaker - 3) if you have a man in prison it ain't gonna happen. I walked out of Starbucks and had my own revelation and realized there indeed is a God - and I almost slept on it. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. God, Allah, Vishnu, Buddha, the Big Black Woman in the Sky, call the Creator whatever you want, I don't care - the point is God can be can handing you a message and you not even know it - it might go right over your head! God doesn't "spell it out" like a 
message in a fortune cookie or a text to your Blackberry - you are sent "signs" - you gotta be able to connect dots, recognize signs and so forth. Ya'll saw The Sixth Sense right? That's how it works - you live your life and realize with your sixth sense all the signs God sent - that you missed - only to have a revelation and reflect backwards of all the now obvious signs from God. In my case? The Soledad look-alike - I'm from California, home of the biggest prison which is named "Soledad State Prison". That's a fact ya'll - I ain't making this up. My little opening flirting line - the words out of my mouth? "Can I buy you a draaaank" - the opening lyrics to that song, which I sang right there in Starbucks are "I'm T-Pain, you know me, Convict Music Nappy Boy Oooo Weeee". Heck I'm singing CONVICT right there plain as day ya'll - By a singer that goes by the name of T-Pain? Get involved with this woman is surely to result in some physical pain. Anyone can go talk to Madeline at Starbucks - she'll confirm this is how it all went down - she saw the whole thing. What have we learned? Women dressed in their Sunday best may not be going to Church but there is indeed a God, if you need to get to the State Prison the bus leaves Starbucks every Sunday morning at 9am, and Soledad O'Brien is the exception to the rule, it should not take your Sixth Sense to know not to ever date anyone named Alcatraz, Leavenworth, Attica or Sing Sing!
My Sunday late morning & early evening runs of 5 miles each were pretty routine - just contemplated when I will race again - it was my Sunday morning & pursuit of a wife that was note worthy. Often on Sunday before my run I walk to Starbucks @ 125th & Lenox for a Venti & Sunday NY Times. It was about 8:45am, I was in line at the counter and noticed a beautiful woman standing behind me. After a "double take" this woman was a dead ringer for Soledad O'Brien the CNN personality (close up and in real life). Soledad looks slightly different in person - still beautiful but in person she has less color and cute freckles. I first met Soledad in San Francisco long before her New York City media breakthrough - she was reporting on high tech - I was working in the Silicon Valley - met her at an event, charming woman with an infectious persona. We've later bumped heads a couple of times where else?... Central Park....and how? Running of course - Soledad ran for a quick minute
way back in the day - that's Soledad below with her husband on the right (Soledad's left) at a NYRR race. Anyway this Soledad look-alike was very well appointed in attire exuding "grace" with a classic pearl necklace - As it was Sunday morning I knew she was on her way to Church. Lovely, a Church going woman. I ran her through my lens: 1) No wedding ring 2) Size 4 & later 30's, 3) she gave me a welcoming glance = bingo, bullseye, jackpot! "Madeline" (the Starbucks employee behind the counter) brought my Venti and the Soledad look-alike was adjacent to me and about to order when I intervened and said in my best Dirty South accent "Can I buy you a draaaank". She looked at me, laughed, and said "what?", I repeated, "Can I buy you a draaaank" - she's laughing, Madeline's cracking up too - I'm composed and waiting for a response and then said,"a draaaank........you know the song (I start singing)......I'm T-Pain, you know me Convict Music Nappy Boy Ooooo Weeeee". (the lyrics to the 'hood anthem blasting the airwaves on urban radio). Laughingly she said, "that's very nice but I'm fine". So I looked at her, shrugged my shoulders said, "I'm a Flirt" as in R. Kelly - and a jukebox". More laughter, I walk away with my coffee to the area where you hook up your coffee. The Soledad look-alike comes next to me with her coffee and says, "you are funny.....I've seen you running right?" I replied, "that's possible....do you run"? She said "No, but I want to". We proceeded to really actually flirt for the next 5 minutes - exchanged contact info and agree we're going to set up a running date, she then excuses herself - walked out of Starbucks and right onto a bus parked on 125th St. adjacent to Starbucks. Then I noted the bus she boarded was rather dated and slightly shabby appearing - very much like tha
t bus there on the right. First thought, was "she's not going to Church" - I was still in Starbucks and noted several other passengers boarding with bags and packages, women with babies, kids, not the most well groomed crowd in town either (inconsistent with the Soledad look-alike entirely). That bus ain't going to Atlantic City or any place fun to me - then I suspected something - went back to Madeline and said, "is that bus there every week?" - Madeline said, "Yes Lance, that's the bus that goes upstate to the prison". Just what I suspected and read about 80% of prisoners in NY State are from the City and there is a "prison bus system for families, etc." on the weekend so people visit & see their loved ones locked up. In a nano-second I realized I just hit on, 
exchanged contact info, and made a date with Soledad look-alike who's going upstate very likely see her man, Inmate #43271509817532 or whatever his number is, a regular freaking Mrs. Tony Soprano, Sh#% ! This woman was looking way too good to be visiting anyone other than her man, period - and she's got all my identity - ways to reach me, etc, in her cell - Sh#% ! So much for the refined Church going elegant Soledad-look-alike - dayum! No wonder she was vibing on me, she can actually do something with me - and what is Soledad look-alike doing flirting back with me? Does she think I'm a F__ing Fool? I've seen The Wire, Oz, Prison Break, Good Fellas, New Jack City, on and on - I know how this story ends for my character and it ain't good! Sure her man is in prison but His Boys, His Posse, His Crew, His Clique, His Road Dogs are not - and half their job I am sure is looking out for what's his, namely HER! Besides, her Mr. Shawshank Redemption man is getting released sooner or later I imagine. When I meet a woman I had only 2 immediate deal stoppers: 1) If you have a husband, 2) If you're on the unfavorable side of the HIV test. The necessity to have a 3rd entry like this to the immediate dealbreaker list has never even occurred to me. The thought of it has never been conjured or unfolded in my mind, but I'll be damn - I now have a 3rd immediate dealbreaker - 3) if you have a man in prison it ain't gonna happen. I walked out of Starbucks and had my own revelation and realized there indeed is a God - and I almost slept on it. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. God, Allah, Vishnu, Buddha, the Big Black Woman in the Sky, call the Creator whatever you want, I don't care - the point is God can be can handing you a message and you not even know it - it might go right over your head! God doesn't "spell it out" like a 
message in a fortune cookie or a text to your Blackberry - you are sent "signs" - you gotta be able to connect dots, recognize signs and so forth. Ya'll saw The Sixth Sense right? That's how it works - you live your life and realize with your sixth sense all the signs God sent - that you missed - only to have a revelation and reflect backwards of all the now obvious signs from God. In my case? The Soledad look-alike - I'm from California, home of the biggest prison which is named "Soledad State Prison". That's a fact ya'll - I ain't making this up. My little opening flirting line - the words out of my mouth? "Can I buy you a draaaank" - the opening lyrics to that song, which I sang right there in Starbucks are "I'm T-Pain, you know me, Convict Music Nappy Boy Oooo Weeee". Heck I'm singing CONVICT right there plain as day ya'll - By a singer that goes by the name of T-Pain? Get involved with this woman is surely to result in some physical pain. Anyone can go talk to Madeline at Starbucks - she'll confirm this is how it all went down - she saw the whole thing. What have we learned? Women dressed in their Sunday best may not be going to Church but there is indeed a God, if you need to get to the State Prison the bus leaves Starbucks every Sunday morning at 9am, and Soledad O'Brien is the exception to the rule, it should not take your Sixth Sense to know not to ever date anyone named Alcatraz, Leavenworth, Attica or Sing Sing!
2 Comments:
way too funny!!
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